When Hurt is Passed Down...

When parents can't or don't stay together, that doesn't mean the children should play a roll in that split too. The children’s feelings should matter in the situation too.

One parent should never keep a child from the other parent if there is nothing harmful going on with the parent and child! When God created family, He began with the Dad by creating Adam, who held the seed to be planted in the womb of the mom. That growth in the womb is where the nurturing bond comes from between mom and child but the connection of identity comes from the dad because the seed is his.

The purpose of this information is that this is something I had to learn about myself, for my children when their dad and I were no longer together and he moved on in life. I had to make a conscious decision on how I would and could work that out within myself.

So, this message is for my moms out there (Lady Warriors, we have to stop being the reason our child doesn't have a relationship with their dad. If that father is violent, out of control, harmful in any way then you absolutely have every right to protect your child(ren). That's not the direction I'm talking about, I'm coming from an angle of when it is solely about your feelings about him being in a new relationship or he's not spending money like you want him to, he doesn't come when you say or where you say.... when it becomes all about you controlling every aspect of their time together.

When he's a good parent and wants to be there, why is he having to beg? We must learn how to redirect our feelings and take control of that by handing it over to God.

Last, this is another behavior that comes from a place of hurt and I get that because I've been there before and that hurt will cloud our vision on what's important. That hurt causes pain in which we want to inflict on others, (hurt people, hurt people) but that's when you have step back and look at what you're doing to that child and the damage it can cause. Simply put, us adults are the product of not having a relationship with our fathers and know the damage and hurt that it causes so let's start healing and working on ourselves to stop the generational curse. In the end, the messiness of it all comes down to who gets hurt the most...not the adults but the children.